The post Overcoming Disappointment first appeared on Christian International.
]]>The biggest obstacle we frequently encounter is the shock of disappointment upon our heart and the host of negative emotions that accompany it.
“Your defining moment may arrive just when you feel surrounded by adversity.” Lee Colan
In actuality, the seeds of disappointments test the strength of our purpose; they test the expression of our voice and the ability to build the character that inspires confidence. This is the crossroad of fear we all face but we are capable to take the road less traveled.
“Disappointments can be the little steps on the road to frustration and failure, or the building blocks of inner strength and triumph.”
How do we uproot the seeds of disappointment?
Recognize that anything valuable or worthwhile is rarely obtained without disappointments. Recognize that disappointments can teach us about ourselves and become the catalyst for creative strategies. I have learned through the years that some of my greatest disappointments positioned me for bigger and better! At those times I was able to clearly see the saboteurs and realign personally and professionally for greater platforms of influence.
“Our best successes often come after our greatest disappointments.” Henry Ward Beecher
Recognize the external cannot trump the internal. If my internal wealth does not exceed my external wealth I’ll implode under the weight of my assignment. If my internal character is not greater than my external influence I’ll hurt others and impair my own success. When I face disappointments it allows me to assess myself in order to maximize my strengths and take personal responsibilities for the weaknesses. In this process I am matured and able to enjoy the internal security of character-driven leadership.
“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
Set internal peace as your daily goal. Disappointments are a direct affront to internal peace. Every time you win this war you will discover that the temporary disappointment does not have a permanent effect. You will uncover an internal resiliency that supersedes all the crisis and drama nearby. Peace releases the creativity within you for strategic solutions, healthy interaction with others and a refuge from the harassment of fear.
“The size of your success is measured by the strength of your desire; the size of your dream; and how you handle disappointment along the way.” Robert Kivosaki
It is not what happens to you but IN you that charts your course! Healthy leadership empowers the leader to enjoy the process! May the disappointments be turned to opportunities that build you and position you for great things!
Dr. Melodye Hilton
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]]>The post The Knowledge Challenge first appeared on Christian International.
]]>There is also a leadership pitfall that can emerge from an assumption that others should know what we know while disregarding the understanding of our subordinates. These leaders begin to create a hierarchal culture where dominance and intellectual superiority controls rather than partnering for the bigger and better picture. This culture is detrimental to both the leader and those they lead.
The challenge: We do not know what we do not know; we only know what we know. The quandary is our propensity to trust only in what we do know though incognizant of what we do not know. Our present knowledge is never sufficient to navigate our future leadership opportunities.
We recognize that knowledge is only one part of the equation for effective leadership decision-making. Knowledge without wisdom—the ability to apply knowledge properly—can be counter-productive. Understanding is a vital aspect of the application of knowledge as it gives substance to wisdom. Understanding incorporates the mastery of knowledge as well as empathy in connection to another’s feelings, which assists leaders towards good judgment.
All present knowledge is limited: Regardless of the wealth of knowledge we may possess today, it is, and will always be, incomplete. Our present knowledge is based upon the past not the future. It runs through the grid of our personal and deeply private experiential reality which gave birth to today’s assumptions. It was deposited into us by our parents, mentors, educators, authors, and our own hunger to learn.
Let’s celebrate what we’ve learned! Let’s lead, teach, empower, and partner with others! Let’s make the most of what we now possess! However, let us recognize that what I know today has been constructed from an infantile clean slate that must continue to be written upon. Never should our present knowledge become a roadblock to what we can learn and develop. It is expedient to learn what we do not know today to prepare us for future possibilities.
Questions to ask and answer for growth: Our present is filled with the remarkable knowledge of the past. Be that as it may, we do not yet know today what we can know tomorrow. Today and every day to follow can become a deliberate opportunity to gain knowledge, wisdom, and understanding.
- What are my learning opportunities today? This might be a skill developed, a solution discovered, a person understood, making a complex concept simple, or setting aside time for self-assessment.
- What strategic educational opportunities can I pursue? Any type of formal training exercises the mind and expands present knowledge. It challenges us to think and act out of our own cultural norm and view life from a higher perspective.
- How can a personal coach or mentor unearth potential in me? When we allow the training and tools of another to be an objective voice to our subjective thinking we become better leaders. When light shines on dark, fear-based attitudes or actions we are released to a new and creative expression of our innate potential.
- What can I learn from those I lead? These individuals are working in conjunction with the vision, purpose, and the leader’s objectives. The successes of the organization’s endeavors benefit them directly and vice versa. Their competences are needed, their perspectives are complimentary, and their moral compasses all chart the combined course.
- What sacred cows must I defeat? When a leader exempts himself or herself from constructive criticism or respectful questioning it alienates those they lead. Likewise, it hinders revelation (i.e. a disclosure of an unknown detail or reality) and disallows objective discovery. We must remain willing to hear another’s voice.
Where we are today is a product of our past, but we can strategically position ourselves for a greater tomorrow. This is a healthy leadership journey!
From one leader to another,
Dr. Melodye Hilton
The post The Knowledge Challenge first appeared on Christian International.
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There are many individuals of influence walking the streets, sitting in boardrooms, enacting legislation, teaching our children or interacting within culture in a multitude of ways. Many of these leaders are wearing masks hiding various types of prejudice. Prejudice is simply pre-judgment as assumptions are made without accurate information; opinions are formed without facts and beliefs are established without truth. All prejudice is destructive fear-based attitude that affects relationships, partnerships and sabotages the ability to lead with justice, honor, and validation.
There is great power and responsibility associated with any form of leadership influence. Whether you are a school student influencing your peers, a friend, spouse, parent, teacher, actor, sports figure, business person, or political leader, there is a vital mandate to lead impartially. Anywhere there is a platform of influence there is ability to persuade for good or harm.
We all have had negative experiences that want to shape our belief about different groups of people whether it is age, race, gender, socio-economic status, or position in society. Our tendency is to group people together and pre-judge everyone based upon the external, the judgments of others or our personal history. Many years ago I was an indignantly passionate man-hater supporting the woman’s liberation movement. To me it was not about equal rights for women—that was my mask—but rather to emerge greater than all men. This was prejudice that was seeded into the soil of a little girl’s soul through sexual molestation. In my heart I was not fighting for the noble cause of equality for woman, I was thirsty for the injury of all men believing they were all perpetrators.
“Each person is an individual—it is unfair to judge someone through your past experiences with others.” Dr. Melodye Hilton
Every type of prejudice, bias or racism is self-sabotage! I was horribly deceived by the pain of my past which sabotaged my emotional health and my ability to find internal peace. Thank God those days are over!!!!!
Scientifically speaking, every thought we accept grows memory within the neuro-networking of our brain. It is impossible to devalue, hate, disrespect, degrade, or demonstrate prejudice towards another without its feedback into our own memory. Whether our prejudicial actions are obvious, subtle, or just a part of our thought processes it is ultimately self-destructive. It is time to remove the mask of outward pretense and arise with genuine validation for one another! It is impossible to be critical, judgmental, unforgiving, or gossip when we walk in validation and honor of others.
“The validation of the human soul cannot co-exist with prejudice, injustice or discrimination of any kind.” Dr. Melodye Hilton
Thomas Jefferson said, “The care of human life and happiness, and not their destruction, is the first and only objective of good government.” Truly, this should be the objective of every good person and especially everyone who aspires to lead well. Let us challenge ourselves to take into account the thoughts we allow to occupy our minds and boldly choose validation, honor, respect, life, hope, and peace. This decision will not only impact our own emotional health, but allow a healthy perspective in every decision we make.
It’s time to take off all masks of pretense and instead genuinely value all humanity. Let us utilize our emotional energies to influence generations to live well, love much, and believe for the best. Let our revolutionary voices of validation be heard—that’s a cause worth living for!
Dr. Melodye Hilton
About Dr. Melodye
Dr. Melodye Hilton works with individuals and workgroups around the globe as a leadership consultant, behavioral analyst, and personal coach. Her recognition extends over all ages, socio-economic, and educational backgrounds through her work in corporate and local business, government, and public and private educational sectors.
She, alongside her husband, pioneered Giving Light Christian Fellowship in Elizabethville, PA. Over 30 years later, they continue to see God’s hand at work within the vision to “equip all ages to discover destiny and activate purpose for local and global Kingdom impact.” Dr. Melodye is ordained and under the oversight of Christian International Apostolic Network (CIAN) founded by Bishop Bill Hamon. She and her husband, Steven, serve CIAN as regional oversight for the Mid-Atlantic Region, which includes six states and Washington, DC. In 2002, she founded International Training Center, which continues to expand with a passion to equip and empower emerging and established leaders.
Dr. Melodye travels nationally and internationally ministering, training, consulting, and coaching. She has two grown children and three active grandchildren.
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]]>The post The Power of Movement first appeared on Christian International.
]]>The truth is that we are powerless to control people and circumstances. This is a good thing because we do not want to be controlled by another nor do we want to legislate another’s heart. We do not want obligatory partnerships but rather ardently desire those who will team with us for a united purpose; we want to align with ones who work hard from their own intrinsic motivation and passion, and partner in honesty and integrity.
In the same way, we cannot prevent things that are beyond our control. We might be riding the wave of momentum with our beautiful team partnerships, complimentary skills, and shared vision and values, but there are things that hit unexpectedly. Nonetheless, in the middle of these painful sucker punches we hold the authority to choose our response.
Powerful leaders strategize before the disappointment. They determine their course of action so they do not emotionally hijack. (see www.drmelodye.com/emotionalhijacking)
I’ve learned through the years that I can be blindsided by unexpected situations. I am sure everyone can say, “I’ve been there, done that, and bought the t-shirt!” This challenge is common to all.
So what is our response? Do we choose to build walls around our heart and reject all relationships? Of course not! That would be self-sabotage limiting trusted partnerships that we need for success! Do we complain and say, “It’s time to quit,” or “This vision is not worth all my effort”? Of course not! That would be sabotage to the goals set before us laying waste to all of our and other’s worthy investments.
Since throwing in the towel or running from relationships is not an option for successful leadership, what is our option? If I could wrap up all the attitudes and actions of powerful self-motivated leadership and break it down to one simple principle it would be this: “The Power of Movement.”
“We will never get anywhere sitting in park!”
Physical muscles will atrophy without movement as will your self-leadership muscles. Atrophy is a weakening, deterioration, and degeneration because of a choice made from the weariness of the mind and fear-provoking emotions. Escape will never bring freedom!
There is power—an ability to make an effect—in movement. Movement, by its very definition, is a process that takes us from one place or position to another. Therefore, when the unexpected rudely assaults us or our positioning, we must immediately place guard upon our heart and mind. Pity-parties— no matter how short—are physically and physiologically destructive and therefore unacceptable. In the midst of the storm of temporary disappointments is the worst time to grow passive or make permanent life decisions.
“Powerful leadership is revealed in the difficult seasons of life.”
Utilize your amazing intellect and wisdom (not fearful emotions) to hold steady your course. There is always a solution! Keep your heart open relationally as you allow the trustworthy to speak into your life. Reject old, fear-based beliefs based on past experiences. You have weathered the past tempests and increased. This is a new day! Take all the goal-driven motivations you possess and move forward because the best is yet to come!
From one leader to another,
Dr. Melodye Hilton
The post The Power of Movement first appeared on Christian International.
]]>The post Powerful Positioning first appeared on Christian International.
]]>I would love to be four inches taller! I mean, my seven-year-old grandson is almost as tall as me! I would be so happy to have the beauty and body I enjoyed when I was 21 so I wouldn’t have to “spackle, prime and paint” my face and cover the gray in my chemically-dependent hair. Oh, how I would love to time-travel to my past with my present understanding, go through the doors that my shame and fears kept me from, and refuse to do the things that were seeded from the pressure of people.
Whether past events or present circumstances, let’s face it, some things we are powerless to change. This, however, does NOT make us completely powerless. My internal response to unchangeable facts actually has the ability to em-power me! It’s through this that I can interpret my past with thankfulness, my present with courage, and my future with hope.
Daily we encounter what we cannot change, but that does not mean we are powerless. Circumstances may send fear-based invitations, but that does not mean we are fearful or insecure. We may be confronted with individuals who turn a deaf ear to our voice, but that does not mean we are silenced. The past or present events of our lives do not define who we are nor can they govern our contribution to the world. In actuality, what I believe to be true shapes my reality. Our internal responses to opposing messages accurately reveal to us how secure and powerful we are intrinsically.
To embrace the fullness of our Powerful Positioning we must recognize where we do not have power. As soon as we attempt to control what we cannot or should not, the results will be counter-productive and frustration will follow. We stand powerless when wanting to manipulate another’s decisions, attitudes, actions, or perspectives. Think about this: Is there ever authentic love, loyalty, partnership or validation from one who lives in intimidation from power-handed leadership?
We do not have the power to control the external or expect it to align perfectly with our desires, wants, or dreams. Actually, the challenges along life’s journey do not destroy a vision, but build the visionary, which is a far greater achievement. True success is not built upon the quantity, but the quality of our contribution and is able to exponentially increase in the midst of adversity. A monument was never erected, a hero never recognized, nor a goal ever achieved without the courage to stand when our world is shaking.
Powerful Positioning is an internal posturing. You are the only one that can truly determine the genuineness of your internal order. When there is a peaceful vigilance to your unique expression you’ll witness the birthing of greater confidence. We must acknowledge that we are powerless to change the unchangeable while simultaneously possessing a quiet strength to persevere and grow. This internal dichotomy allows us to walk surefooted when confronted by the rocky terrains of life.
No one is designed to meet every need of everyone on the planet…thank God! We are only responsible to do our part from a heart that is able to discern what we can or cannot change. It is at that point that our external world begins to change; it is by this Powerful Positioning of being the best we can be, no more or no less.
This position is actualized when I choose to give my best every day. It is when I love despite the actions of another and spend my life for those who want my investment. When I choose to serve, give, and care just because it is right, because people are valuable, and because I want to leave the world a better place, life will be truly good because of who I’ve become and the cause that I serve.
Dr. Melodye Hilton
The post Powerful Positioning first appeared on Christian International.
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Leadership is conceived from intrinsic vision and purpose-driven motivation that influences others to partner together. I have never lacked in inspired vision or the willingness to pay the price to accomplish it. However, I have never embarked on a journey that was absent of conflict, surprises or setbacks. Growth and change inevitably bring conflict. Conflict invites emotional responses that could either sabotage or empower any worthwhile endeavor.
My daughter, a young professional, needed to update her wardrobe for her corporate positioning. We excitedly rushed off to a well-known store only to find out-of-date styles and the announcement of the store’s closure—they are no more! Our assumption was that the leadership of this company rested on the many years of successful reputation rather than paying the price to change in order to remain relevant to up-and-coming professionals.
No matter where we lead we must recognize a basic law of nature knowing that anything left to itself will deteriorate. The moment a tree stops growing it has begun to die. If we are not moving forward we are automatically regressing and becoming less relevant to those we lead. We are faced with two options—we maintain while the world around us is advancing or we step out beyond our comfort zone to continue to meet a need in our world.
We must recognize the destructive effect of stagnancy. Every good leader risks today’s accomplishments for the success story of tomorrow. The fact that growth always brings conflict challenges our mindsets to naturally and emotionally prepare in advance. We recognize that proactivity and the conflict that accompanies it can be a catalyst for positive change when we respond to it positively.
“Positive conflict strategies have the ability to deliberately position our teams relationally, practically and emotionally to fulfill vision.”
Here are a few things that I have found that can help us to prepare for and navigate through the inevitable and necessary change that comes with growth:
Get your head out of the proverbial sand. Most visionaries try to silence the dream smashers when they expose potential flaws or ask negative-sounding questions. The reality is that they are assessing the vision’s capacity to hold the weight of impending difficulty.
Before you launch a vision is the perfect time to research and find solutions for every potential conflict. We can’t see all the obstacles of our future, but we can be forewarned and prepared by having well thought-out strategies. We move from the thrill of the dream to the reality of its execution which is a sign of mature wisdom that brings security to those we lead.
Lay the groundwork before you launch. Gathering the right people resources as well as the administrative structure is foundational. Before you build a house you have to know what it will cost, hire the right people to build it in excellence, and determine how it will be paid for and maintained after it is built. When first-time parents discover they are going to have a baby they begin to emotionally prepare through research and asking questions about every aspect of pregnancy, labor, delivery, and how to parent this precious vision. They begin to practically prepare a nursery, organize a baby shower and begin to gather everything they need for the baby’s care. It would be imprudent to bring a baby home from the hospital without first preparing for its arrival. The elements of building a home or the care of child change as you walk out the journey in the same way administrative structure will need modification. Therefore, it is important to have a solid groundwork established in order to build confidence and produce buy-in within the team.
The right people are our greatest asset! There must be mutually established trust with those who work together within the vision. Each one has paid the price to authentically communicate from the heart and is positioned through proven competencies. The entire team recognizes that all the components for successful building and maintenance are already woven into the vision. Emotionally intellectual individuals are strategically placed with a proven track record that they will follow through to completion in excellence as they serve the vision. These individuals are problem solvers not excuse makers. The team is flexible as it faces the unexpected setbacks knowing that every obstacle is an opportunity to be and do better.
“Nothing is given to man on earth – struggle is built into the nature of life, and conflict is possible – the hero is the man who lets no obstacle prevent him from pursuing the values he has chosen.”Andrew Bernstein
Will you keep the dream alive? Will you be willing to go back to the drawing board? The vision you carry or its advancement is worth the price of re-envisioning, re-investment and re-launching. The world needs your contribution!
Dr. Melodye Hilton
The post Positive Conflict Strategies first appeared on Christian International.
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“Each individual inherently carries an irreplaceable expression designed to bless others and impact their world for good. This is a treasure that must be guarded from the assaults of those who disregard its value or feel entitled to exploit it for their own gain. Give lavishly to those who celebrate your contribution and who reciprocate by giving their very best.” Dr. Melodye Hilton
The honor to invest your heart and soul into others is one of the greatest forward-paying acts you can do; by it you are positively touching lives and societies. Our world needs the innate contribution you intrinsically carry. When your contribution is both needed and wanted, you experience a deep fulfillment. You also gain an unshakable awareness of your value, which is priceless in every way. As a perpetual result, your life will be a catalyst to generate value in others so their contribution can also be unleashed. This beautiful cycle of life is contagious as dreams are revived and vision is empowered.
You might say, “This sounds great, but unrealistic! That’s not the world I live in!” I hear this over and over again. The truth is this: when there is a healthy exchange of life, creativity is untapped which releases who we are and what we can do in our world. The challenges we face are the experiences of broken trust, disappointment, rejection, betrayal and a host of other assaults telling us our contributions are not good enough. When we are faced with these attacks, creativity is buried underneath a mountain of inadequacy and fear-based thoughts and emotions. We begin to believe that the gift within us is faulty, not needed, or unimportant so we hide it away like something we are ashamed of. For these very reasons we must be aware of and guard our hearts from the assaults of devaluation and usury.
Devaluation: we can often feel devalued, dishonored and disrespected when we are faced with those who do not want our contribution. This does not take away the value of our contribution to the world, but we are very aware that this particular individual will not make use of the potential of our investment. This does not make them the enemy, but simply shows us that they are not one with whom we will likely find successful or life-giving partnership.
We know money holds value for exchange. However, if a person would not acknowledge the value of money, they would neither want one dollar or one million dollars. The problem is not the value of the money, it is the perspective of the individual. No amount of money would positively impact this person because they would not appreciate or steward its value. What can we learn from this? Recognize that we have no power over another’s perspective or what they choose to value or not value. Release them to their choices and find someone who will celebrate what you are giving and honor you by their appreciation of stewardship with what you are investing.
Usury: This is evidenced by one who sees the value of your investment, but they want to exploit it for their own benefit. They want it for themselves without celebrating the relationship and the mutually beneficial partnership that could result. Once again, release them to their own values recognizing there are many who are positioned to embrace who you are and what you carry.
Leadership is about those who take the risks, take the high road, and are willing to pioneer a new mindset. This road, however, must be paved with the wisdom of Strategic Personal Investments. Every good stockbroker looks for investments that will produce high rates of return. Every good farmer knows how to sow, when to sow, and how to protect the seed that is sown so the harvest can be plentiful. You hold a great treasure within! So look for where you are celebrated, honored, valued, and wanted. Look for those who not only want what you can give, but are also willing to give their best in return. Successful and wise business leaders know a good deal will benefit every person involved in the transaction. There is power in the exchange of life and the partnerships of celebrated contributions.
Treasure the contribution within you and others; sow it in wisdom and enjoy the harvest of Strategic Personal Investments.
Dr. Melodye Hilton
The post Strategic Personal Investments first appeared on Christian International.
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