Overcoming Disappointment

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Every leader recognizes the necessity to maintain a focused determination and an intrinsic motivation to reach, maintain, and advance their goals. In a picture-perfect world we would move forward unhindered always growing and succeeding. The fact is, however, that the world is not perfect and neither are we. It’s often hard to reconcile this internally knowing that there are doors waiting to open, opportunities to explore and people and societies to impact for good.  

The biggest obstacle we frequently encounter is the shock of disappointment upon our heart and the host of negative emotions that accompany it.

“Your defining moment may arrive just when you feel surrounded by adversity.” Lee Colan

In actuality, the seeds of disappointments test the strength of our purpose; they test the expression of our voice and the ability to build the character that inspires confidence. This is the crossroad of fear we all face but we are capable to take the road less traveled.

“Disappointments can be the little steps on the road to frustration and failure, or the building blocks of inner strength and triumph.”

How do we uproot the seeds of disappointment?

Recognize that anything valuable or worthwhile is rarely obtained without disappointments. Recognize that disappointments can teach us about ourselves and become the catalyst for creative strategies. I have learned through the years that some of my greatest disappointments positioned me for bigger and better! At those times I was able to clearly see the saboteurs and realign personally and professionally for greater platforms of influence.

“Our best successes often come after our greatest disappointments.” Henry Ward Beecher

Recognize the external cannot trump the internal. If my internal wealth does not exceed my external wealth I’ll implode under the weight of my assignment. If my internal character is not greater than my external influence I’ll hurt others and impair my own success. When I face disappointments it allows me to assess myself in order to maximize my strengths and take personal responsibilities for the weaknesses. In this process I am matured and able to enjoy the internal security of character-driven leadership.

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Set internal peace as your daily goal. Disappointments are a direct affront to internal peace. Every time you win this war you will discover that the temporary disappointment does not have a permanent effect. You will uncover an internal resiliency that supersedes all the crisis and drama nearby. Peace releases the creativity within you for strategic solutions, healthy interaction with others and a refuge from the harassment of fear.    

“The size of your success is measured by the strength of your desire; the size of your dream; and how you handle disappointment along the way.” Robert Kivosaki

It is not what happens to you but IN you that charts your course! Healthy leadership empowers the leader to enjoy the process! May the disappointments be turned to opportunities that build you and position you for great things!

Dr. Melodye Hilton

 

The Knowledge Challenge

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Assumption is the lowest form of knowledge. This is so because when we assume we view situations, make decisions, and lead others from a basis of what may not be entirely true. My assumptions become my bias and are the foundation of my decisions, knowledge, thoughts, and feelings. By my own determination, this positions me to be the standard through which everything is arbitrated.

There is also a leadership pitfall that can emerge from an assumption that others should know what we know while disregarding the understanding of our subordinates. These leaders begin to create a hierarchal culture where dominance and intellectual superiority controls rather than partnering for the bigger and better picture. This culture is detrimental to both the leader and those they lead.

The challenge: We do not know what we do not know; we only know what we know. The quandary is our propensity to trust only in what we do know though incognizant of what we do not know. Our present knowledge is never sufficient to navigate our future leadership opportunities.

We recognize that knowledge is only one part of the equation for effective leadership decision-making. Knowledge without wisdom—the ability to apply knowledge properly—can be counter-productive. Understanding is a vital aspect of the application of knowledge as it gives substance to wisdom. Understanding incorporates the mastery of knowledge as well as empathy in connection to another’s feelings, which assists leaders towards good judgment.

All present knowledge is limited: Regardless of the wealth of knowledge we may possess today, it is, and will always be, incomplete. Our present knowledge is based upon the past not the future. It runs through the grid of our personal and deeply private experiential reality which gave birth to today’s assumptions. It was deposited into us by our parents, mentors, educators, authors, and our own hunger to learn.

Let’s celebrate what we’ve learned! Let’s lead, teach, empower, and partner with others! Let’s make the most of what we now possess! However, let us recognize that what I know today has been constructed from an infantile clean slate that must continue to be written upon. Never should our present knowledge become a roadblock to what we can learn and develop. It is expedient to learn what we do not know today to prepare us for future possibilities.

Questions to ask and answer for growth: Our present is filled with the remarkable knowledge of the past. Be that as it may, we do not yet know today what we can know tomorrow. Today and every day to follow can become a deliberate opportunity to gain knowledge, wisdom, and understanding.  

  1. What are my learning opportunities today? This might be a skill developed, a solution discovered, a person understood, making a complex concept simple, or setting aside time for self-assessment.
  2. What strategic educational opportunities can I pursue? Any type of formal training exercises the mind and expands present knowledge. It challenges us to think and act out of our own cultural norm and view life from a higher perspective.
  3. How can a personal coach or mentor unearth potential in me? When we allow the training and tools of another to be an objective voice to our subjective thinking we become better leaders. When light shines on dark, fear-based attitudes or actions we are released to a new and creative expression of our innate potential.
  4. What can I learn from those I lead? These individuals are working in conjunction with the vision, purpose, and the leader’s objectives. The successes of the organization’s endeavors benefit them directly and vice versa. Their competences are needed, their perspectives are complimentary, and their moral compasses all chart the combined course.  
  5. What sacred cows must I defeat? When a leader exempts himself or herself from constructive criticism or respectful questioning it alienates those they lead. Likewise, it hinders revelation (i.e. a disclosure of an unknown detail or reality) and disallows objective discovery. We must remain willing to hear another’s voice.

 

Where we are today is a product of our past, but we can strategically position ourselves for a greater tomorrow. This is a healthy leadership journey!

From one leader to another,

Dr. Melodye Hilton

500 Years in Snapshot

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God’s Reformation Plan Includes You

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Your Sphere

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Unmasking Prejudice

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Challenged to Change

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Called to Your Workplace

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Insights for Kingdom Business People

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The Power of Movement

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Disappointment and unfulfilled expectations are experienced by every person—young and old alike.  Though common to all, every disappointment is a seed planted in our minds; each one—either subtly or obviously—bringing emotional pain and laying a foundation for fearful mindsets to take root and grow. The moment we are exposed to risk, this fear-based memory will erect its internal self-protective walls in an attempt to keep us from being hurt or disappointed again.

The truth is that we are powerless to control people and circumstances. This is a good thing because we do not want to be controlled by another nor do we want to legislate another’s heart. We do not want obligatory partnerships but rather ardently desire those who will team with us for a united purpose; we want to align with ones who work hard from their own intrinsic motivation and passion, and partner in honesty and integrity.

In the same way, we cannot prevent things that are beyond our control. We might be riding the wave of momentum with our beautiful team partnerships, complimentary skills, and shared vision and values, but there are things that hit unexpectedly. Nonetheless, in the middle of these painful sucker punches we hold the authority to choose our response.

Powerful leaders strategize before the disappointment. They determine their course of action so they do not emotionally hijack. (see www.drmelodye.com/emotionalhijacking)

I’ve learned through the years that I can be blindsided by unexpected situations. I am sure everyone can say, “I’ve been there, done that, and bought the t-shirt!” This challenge is common to all.

So what is our response? Do we choose to build walls around our heart and reject all relationships? Of course not! That would be self-sabotage limiting trusted partnerships that we need for success! Do we complain and say, “It’s time to quit,” or “This vision is not worth all my effort”? Of course not! That would be sabotage to the goals set before us laying waste to all of our and other’s worthy investments.

Since throwing in the towel or running from relationships is not an option for successful leadership, what is our option? If I could wrap up all the attitudes and actions of powerful self-motivated leadership and break it down to one simple principle it would be this: “The Power of Movement.”

“We will never get anywhere sitting in park!”

Physical muscles will atrophy without movement as will your self-leadership muscles. Atrophy is a weakening, deterioration, and degeneration because of a choice made from the weariness of the mind and fear-provoking emotions. Escape will never bring freedom!

There is power—an ability to make an effect—in movement. Movement, by its very definition, is a process that takes us from one place or position to another. Therefore, when the unexpected rudely assaults us or our positioning, we must immediately place guard upon our heart and mind. Pity-parties— no matter how short—are physically and physiologically destructive and therefore unacceptable. In the midst of the storm of temporary disappointments is the worst time to grow passive or make permanent life decisions.

“Powerful leadership is revealed in the difficult seasons of life.”

Utilize your amazing intellect and wisdom (not fearful emotions) to hold steady your course. There is always a solution! Keep your heart open relationally as you allow the trustworthy to speak into your life.  Reject old, fear-based beliefs based on past experiences. You have weathered the past tempests and increased. This is a new day! Take all the goal-driven motivations you possess and move forward because the best is yet to come!

From one leader to another,

Dr. Melodye Hilton